•|AFTER ONE WEEK|•

SAANVI'S POV

Daily journal. [day 45)

Today, I saw you.

And just like every time, my heart betrayed me racing, unraveling. It terrifies me how a single glimpse of you can undo me so completely. Sometimes I wonder... if I could tear my heart out and place it in your palms, would you finally see that it has always been yours? That every vein inside me only maps its way back to you?

And you know... there's a song Jeena Jeena. It's my favorite, because it reminds me of you. Because every word feels like it was written to describe you how you are, and how you came into my life like a breath I didn't know I was waiting for.

You might find this strange, but you made me feel safe. Not the kind of safety that comes from locked doors or guarded hearts, but the kind that comes when the sky finally clears after endless storms. You looked at me not like something broken, not like something to fix but simply as me.

Do you know how rare that is?

And maybe that is why I love you. Not in the way the world defines love not as possession, not as a promise. I love you like an unfinished sentence, aching, waiting, suspended in the hope that one day you might return and complete it.

And if you never do,

I'll still remain,

a sentence left open,

but always written in your name.

I play the song and listen, but the music only makes my own words come back.

"I'm not the first, am I? You told me about Anvika. She cheated on you, too. I thought you'd be better prepared."

"So it’s a problem when I touch you, but not when half the women in this country have already had their turn?"

"You’re nothing more than a bedwarmer and a luxurious lifestyle on two legs. That’s all you’ve ever been."

How could I say those things?

I can’t believe those words came out of me. I used them like knives, knowing exactly where to cut. He told me I was his safe place, his one safe place and I ruined that. I didn’t just lash out I aimed to wound him, and I succeeded.

The word fool. I knew what it meant to him. I knew it would hit the scar that was already there, and still I threw it at him intentionally. I wanted him to hurt because I was hurting, and now I see what I did. I didn’t just break his trust I destroyed the one thing he thought he could rely on.

"I felt safe with you, Saanvi."

Those words haunt me now. Back then, I didn’t even stop to think what it cost him to admit that. He trusted me with something he didn’t give to anyone, and I turned it into a weapon. Now I realise, from that day, I stopped being his safe. He didn’t even call me pearl. That was his way of telling me I’d crossed a line I couldn’t take back.

I hold his journal tight against my chest. He explained himself, opened himself to me, and I did the exact opposite of what he needed. The song goes on. My phone slips into my hand, and my eyes fall on the English translation of the song’s lyrics.

How wrong it feels.

In his journal, he wrote that this song is his favorite because it reminds him of me. He dedicated this song to me because he saw something in me that gave him comfort, something that made him feel safe.

And now, listening to it, all I hear is the hypocrisy in me. I proved him wrong, every word he believed about me, I went against.

I blink up at the ceiling, tears making it blur, and I ask myself the question I should’ve asked long ago, why couldn’t I understand him when it mattered? Why did it take losing that piece of him for me to finally see what I’d done?

"Saanvi?”

I wipe my tears and slip the journal into the drawer of my nightstand.

Maa steps inside with a food platter and stops near the bed.

“I’ll eat later—”

She doesn’t listen and sits in front of me, she tears off a small piece of roti and dips it in dal and holds it up to my lips.

“Don’t,” I whisper, “Not after what I did.”

She sighs, lowers her hand, and finally meets my eyes. “I also want to stay angry with you. But then I remember, now I’m your mother too.”

I lift my gaze from my lap, shame burn through me. Every part of me aches with guilt. My actions didn’t just hurt Rudra they hurt her and Og too. They all welcomed me into their lives, gave me love, gave me a place I didn’t even think I deserved, and I repaid them with betrayal. I destroyed their peace.

“I… I’m sorry,” I manage, though my throat feels tight, like the words themselves are strangling me.

She raises the roti again. My eyes blur as I stare at it, then finally, I open my mouth and take the bite.

“It’s your choice, Saanvi,” she says softly, tearing off another piece. “You have every right to choose anyone. I never held a grudge against you for that. But you shouldn’t have played with him. And more importantly, you should never have used his past against him. I don’t know exactly what you said, but if you threw Anvika’s name at him… you need to understand, Anvika’s name alone is poison in Rudra’s life.” She wipes her tears with the back of her hand.

“Anvika didn’t just cheat,” she continues. “She destroyed him. And when I saw him in the hospital again a month ago, I couldn’t even think straight about what it might have done to him after hearing you use her against him.”

“Again?” I frown,

She nods, “He once attempted suicide.”

The air leaves my lungs. “What?”

“After the breakup with Anvika. Avyaan found him in his room, lying on the bed, his wrist cut open. Later Abhimaan informed Abhi. If they hadn’t gotten there in time…” Her voice trails off,

I struggle to breathe. “But why? Was it only because of Anvika?”

“Yes,” she whispers. “It was sudden, but it was built up over time. He was bullied in university, mocked and humiliated. They called him a fool. Again and again, until he started believing it himself. They said he was stupid for trusting her blindly. That if he hadn’t been such a fool, she wouldn’t have walked all over him. He heard it so much, Saanvi, that it became part of him. That word… it’s not just an insult to Rudra. It’s a wound. Even now, it can trigger everything he went through.” Her eyes close as the tears spill.

“My Rudra wasn’t always like this. He used to be so innocent, so soft hearted, cheerful and talkative. My little prince charming.” Her lips tremble with the ghost of a smile before it vanishes in tears. “But when he came back from the hospital, his spark was gone. He went quiet, reserved. And I couldn’t do anything.”

It all makes sense now. That day, when Rudra didn’t trust me, when he accepted the idea that I’d cheated it wasn’t about me. It was his past replaying in front of him. To him, I was Anvika. Shaurya became Mahir. The betrayal looked the same, and his fear took over. He wasn’t judging me he was reliving it.

As a brain doctor, I understand what PTSD does. The mind doesn’t just forget it replays the trauma like it’s happening all over again. It drags a person back into the same fear, the same humiliation, until they can’t separate memory from reality. Of course he had flashbacks. Of course he was terrified of being made a fool again, terrified of the world pointing at him a second time.

My hands fly to my mouth, pressing hard as tears blur my vision. I keep thinking about my fears, my insecurities. But wasn’t his fear just as real? Didn’t he deserve to be understood too? How could I throw all of that back at him? How could I use the word fool, knowing it would rip him apart?

And worse I crossed a line I can’t erase. I told him he should have gone back to Anvika. I see it now I didn’t just hurt him. I proved every single one of his fears right.

Avyaan was right. I’m no better than Anvika.

AUTHOR'S POV

|NEXT DAY|

Saanvi walks along the road outside the hospital, her thoughts circling so heavily that the world around her feels muted. She doesn’t notice the car turning into the main gate, its headlights cutting across her path. The horn blares once, twice and insistent, but she keeps walking as if she can’t hear it.

In a rush, someone grabs her arm and pulls her hard toward the side. She stumbles, falling onto the patch of grass by the curb as the car speeds past and disappears into the parking lot.

“Are you retarded?”

She looks up and sees a pair of blue eyes glaring at her.

“There are other ways to die,” Avyaan rubs his palm against his jeans as if shaking off the contact. “Try those. Don’t drag some innocent driver into court just because you’ve decided you don’t want to live.”

Her vision clouds, tears spilling before she can stop them. She lowers her gaze, her fist curling into the damp grass, grounding herself.

He exhales heavily, “Get up.”

--------

Saanvi wipes her tears with the back of her hand and leans against the wooden bench in the hospital garden. The evening air was damp with the scent of rain soaked earth,

“Each day when I read his journal, I realized how far I went. How much I hurt him. And still, every night, he came to my room just to hold me. He wrote about how he looked at me, how he used to count my heartbeat. And now I understand why I can’t sleep anymore because without his arms around me, it’s impossible. All this time, I thought I slept on my own. But it was him. Always him.” She sniffs, her palm tightening on her lap as her head lowers. “I regret everything. I should have talked to him. I should have seen him for who he was instead of hiding behind my own fear.”

Her throat closes up, but she forces the words out. “You know what terrifies me the most? That he’s keeping his promise. He told me he wouldn’t fight for another breath, and now… he really isn’t. A month ago, when I held Rudra’s hand, his heart rate suddenly dropped. I can’t get that moment out of my head. He once told me that when I'm in his orbit, his heart will never fall silent. And that day… it made me realize I don’t matter to him anymore.” She looks up quickly, blinking hard as if holding back another wave of tears.

Avyaan finally turns to her, “You’re wrong again, Saanvi. You’ve always misunderstood him. When he prepared a gift for you, when he shaped a ring with his own hands, when he tried to show you love, you twisted it, doubted it, refused to see it. And now you’re doing it again.” He meets her eyes, “His heart rate didn’t drop because you don’t matter anymore. It dropped because you wanted him to disappear from your life.”

Her lips quiver and tears stream down her cheeks, “You were right, Avyaan. I am a coward and heartless.”

Avyaan turns his gaze away, “And that’s the bitter irony, Saanvi. For you to hear those words from me.” His thumb moves across his wrist in small circles, “When I told you that you were cowardly and heartless for hurting Rudra, I wasn’t lying. I meant every word. He didn’t deserve what you did, and I’m not going to apologize for pointing it out. But the truth…” He hesitates, “The truth is that for those words to come from me, it makes me a hypocrite.”

Saanvi drags her hand across her cheek, smudging away what’s left of her tears.

“I did the same thing you did.” He breathes out slowly, “I hurt someone too.”

Her brows furrows,

“I saw the way you treated Rudra. I recognized the cracks you were making, and I tried to warn you because I didn’t want you to destroy something you might never get back. And because, for me, Rudra… he’s always been my first priority. So yes, I tried to steer you. Maybe I was too blunt, maybe too harsh, but I couldn’t just watch you push him to the same edge I once pushed someone else. But the truth is, I’m not any different from you. You hurt the man you love. I hurt someone I never loved. That’s the only difference between us.”

Saanvi’s brows knit together. She doesn’t fully understand who he means or how deep it goes, “Maybe that’s still a feeling. Guilt doesn’t come without meaning.”

His lips press into a thin line, “No. I don’t have any hidden feelings. There’s only guilt. That’s all.”

------------------

“Ma’am?”

Saanvi lifts her eyes from the file on her desk and sees Naina standing there. She comes closer, sets another patient’s report on the table, and waits quietly as Saanvi flips through it, initials it, and closes the file.

Naina studies her face for a moment, “Everything will be alright, ma’am,” she says gently.

Saanvi keeps her hand on the closed file, staring at it, “When I see you and Vedant together, I can’t help but think… maybe if I had given Rudra a real chance back then, things wouldn’t have fallen apart like this.”

Naina rests her hand softly over Saanvi’s. “Maybe. But sometimes we only learn through mistakes, even the ones that break us. At least now you know what he truly means to you.”

Saanvi finally looks up, “More than I ever admitted, even to myself.”

Naina’s expression softens. She bends slightly and wraps her arms around Saanvi, pulling her into a quiet hug. For a moment, Saanvi doesn’t move, then she closes her eyes and allows herself to sink into the comfort she rarely accepts.

“Hugging without me?”

They pull apart at the sound of the small voice.

“Dhriti?” Naina says, turning to the door. The little girl stands there with a pout and scrunched nose, her pigtails bounces as she steps inside.

Saanvi frowns. “Why is she alone? Didn’t Vidya come to pick her up?”

Dhriti shakes her head with exaggerated seriousness, then plants herself in front of Saanvi, mischief sparking in her eyes. “Leave that coldie. Tell me where my Ru is. I want to meet him, pwease.”

Saanvi exhales and turns her face away, unable to answer.

“Coldie, you’ve got your weird face again,” Dhriti declares. “That’s why I always tell Ru to stay with you. At least he makes you angwy. You look better angwy.”

Saanvi squeezes her eyes shut,

“Dhriti, sweetheart,” Naina says gently, “You shouldn’t talk to her like that.”

Dhriti studies Saanvi for a long moment, and climbs closer and places her tiny palm over Saanvi’s hand. “Where’s Ru? I want to meet him.”

Saanvi opens her eyes and meets her gaze. “He’s hurt. And right now… you can’t see him.”

Dhriti bites her lip, her eyes wide. “Hurt bad?”

Saanvi nods once,

Dhriti bites her lip, then fumbles with the zipper of her small pink Barbie bag. She digs inside with determination, finally pulling out two chocolates that are slightly squished from being carried around all day. She holds them out to Saanvi with both hands.

“Give Ru this. He say one time he like this choco,” she declares proudly, “I don’t… I don’t share my yum-yums, but Ru is ex… ex…cep…tion—” she stops, her mouth twists in frustration before she tries again, “Uhmm… special. He’s special.”

Saanvi looks at her tiny fists, then at her earnest face, and a small smile pushes through her heaviness. She takes the chocolates carefully.

She takes Saanvi’s hand and wraps her own small palm around one long finger, gripping it tightly. “No worry Coldie. Our Ru is strong, he be okay. Promise.” She beams up at her with complete certainty.

Saanvi swallows against the lump in her throat, “He will.”

“Dhriti, let’s go,” Naina says gently, scooping her into her arms. She hugs her chocolates bag to her chest as they head toward the door.

Naina pauses before stepping out. Her gaze returns to Saanvi, “By the way, Avyaan sir said you should see Mr. Singhania.”

Saanvi freezes, her eyes widen slightly.

------------------

Saanvi’s hand hover over the knob of the ward door. She closes her eyes, steadying her breath, before forcing them open again. The hinges give a soft creak as she pushes inside. The door shuts behind her with a muted click.

Her eyes find him instantly. Rudra lies on the bed, still and pale against the sterile white sheets. The sight of him presses something deep in her chest. Her fingers tighten around the journal she has clutched all the way here.

She walks closer and reaches the side of his bed. Slowly, she lowers herself onto the stool.

“Rudra,” she whispers. Her hand rises without thought, brushing against his cheek. The warmth of his skin under her fingertips feels both comforting and punishing. She traces the line of his jaw gently and stares at him as though memorizing every detail. Minutes slip by, unmeasured, as she sits in silence, just watching him breathe.

Finally, she looks down at the journal in her lap. Her thumb runs over the edges of the cover before she opens it and begins flipping through the pages. With her free she threads her fingers through his limp hand, her thumb resting against his palm. 

Daily journal. (day 172)

When I saw you at Dhruv's concert, you looked so alive, so happy, beside Shaurya. And in that moment, a thought stabbed through me that maybe I was never supposed to be part of your story. I was the intruder who forced his way between two people.

I tried to bury that thought, Pearl. I fought it. But it keeps echoing in my head, and I can't silence it anymore. So tonight, I've decided to test my luck one last time. To stand in front of you and confront the fear that has lived inside me all along.

I already know the answer. Somewhere inside me, I've always known. But still, my hands are shaking as I write this, because knowing and hearing it are two different kinds of deaths. When you said earlier that you should have chosen Shaurya... Pearl, that shattered me more than anything you've ever said to me before. Even more than when you called me nothing more than a bedwarmer. At least then, I could pretend it was your anger speaking. But this? This was the truth of your heart, and it broke mine.

I don't know why I'm still writing these words, why I'm still standing in this hope that refuses to die. Maybe because, even after everything, a part of me prays that somewhere inside you, in some hidden corner of your heart, there is a place carved for me.

And I swear I swear, I will spend the rest of my my life carrying that choice like a prayer. Even if you never give me love, I will give you enough of mine to make up for it.

Choose me once, pearl... just once.

Her eyes remain fixed on the page of the journal, the words blurring as tears stream down her cheeks. She lifts her gaze slowly, looking at Rudra and tilts her head. Her fingers brush through his hair with the gentlest touch, lingering as though she could somehow transfer her remorse and love through the motion.

“I thought… you didn’t come to the concert,” she murmurs, “But you were there. Watching me… with Shaurya. And you thought I… I cared for him.” Her words falter, “I can’t even imagine what that felt like for you, Rudra… to see me like that, to feel that way.” She presses a soft kiss to the back of his hand. “You probably don’t know… but I do love you,” she continues, “I love you… more than I ever let myself admit. More than you probably think I could.” Her tears fall freely as she speaks, “You’ve endured so much, Rudra,”

She wipes her tears away, trying to compose herself, though the ache in her chest refuses to ease.

Soon, she reaches the last page of the journal. Her fingers pause over the paper.

Daily journal. (day 188]

The last page

You know, there are decisions we make and there are decisions we hear. But the ones we can ruin us in ways we never imagined. I had heard many things in my life, but the day your lips spoke his name over mine, everything inside me broke.

These past days, I realised how blind I was to your pain. stubborn I was, chasing you, clinging to you, forcing a love never asked for. I kept holding even wanted a man like me. on, but I never once asked if you ever wanted a man like me.

And the truth is, you didn't. Why would you? You showed me what love could look like. And then you showed me what it will never be for me.

Don't worry, Pearl, I am not mocking you. If anything, I should thank you. You made me face the truth I keep avoiding. You deserve gentle love, not the storm I dragged into your life.

I don't hate you for choosing him.

I hate myself for ever believing I had a chance.

You deserve to be someone's first choice, not someone's desperate prayer.

I once thought our story was Beauty and the Beast, but I was wrong. The beast remained a beast. And the beauty never owed him her love. Fairy tales promise love can change the ending, but real life is different. Sometimes, the ending is learning when to walk away.

And don't think for a moment that this is selflessness. It isn't. I am not that noble. I cannot live with the thought of you in someone else's arms. I am not built to survive that kind of cruelty. So maybe this is it. Maybe this is the only way out.

One death already bound you to guilt for eighteen years. Maybe if there is another death, it could finally give you peace.

I am grateful you never read this journal. It has become a record of my weaknesses, and I never want you to see it.

Goodbye, my love, this was the last page.

Rudra

The beast who never got his beauty.

| The end |

She closes the journal and sets it carefully on the side stand, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her hands shake as she presses them against her mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that threaten to spill over.

Her eyes land on Rudra again and the restraint she’s held for so long crumbles. She rises from the stool and leans into him, letting her body sink against his as she wraps her arms around him, her face burying into the curve of his neck.

“What have I done to deserve you… to have your love… like this?” she whispers, her thumb brushing gently beneath his eye “Please… please, break your promise. Come back to me.” Her lips press against his cheek, and she closes her eyes, letting herself feel the warmth of his skin, the reality of him near her.

“Please, Rudra… come back to me. I’m missing you so much. I can’t stand this without you. I need you here.” Once he teased her, saying that if he disappeared she’d end up saying these very words and now she does.

“Rudra, I swear… I’ll cherish you. I’ll show you love every single day, every single moment. I choose you, over everything, over everyone, please, just fight for me… fight for us. I can’t live without you.” Her tears fall freely now, soaking into his hospital gown as she holds him close. “I miss your arms around me, Rudra. I miss your stupid little flirtings, your winks, your everything. I’ve missed all of it.”

She inhales shakily, pressing herself closer as her forehead rests against his shoulder. “I can’t change the past, but I can be here now, and I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, Rudra. Please… let me.”

•|After five days|•

“Dad?”

Saanvi blinks awake, rubbing her eyes as she lifts her head from the desk. Her gaze lands on Anubhav sitting on the couch with Ipad in hand. He looks up at her and smiles.

“Finally awake, sleeping beauty.” He sets the Ipad down on the glass table and gestures to her. “Come here.”

She sighs, stretching stiffly before walking over and sitting beside him. “If you’re here to convince me to go back to New York, I’m not going.”

Anubhav takes her hand, pressing a soft kiss against her palm. “I’m not. You’re my daughter you inherited my stubbornness. I’d be wasting my breath.”

She narrows her eyes. “Was that supposed to be an insult to me or to yourself?”

He chuckles under his breath. “When I was dating Suhana, she told me she wanted our daughter to be like her calm, elegant, soft-spoken, beautiful. She said the one thing she never wanted was for our daughter to turn out like me stubborn, loud, arrogant, quick tempered.” He pauses, studying her face. “And now when I look at you… I realize you’re exactly—”

“What?” She lifts her brows. “I’m more like Mumma. I’m elegant, beautiful, soft spoke—” She cuts herself short, her lips parting as her eyes flicker to him. “I mean… sometimes I take after you, but I’m still more like Mumma.”

He shakes his head. “No. You’re my female version.”

Her mouth falls open. “You do realize that’s not a compliment.”

He snaps his fingers, pointing at her, “That's right there the sass, the attitude that’s all me.”

She scoffs. “Ugh. I hate you.”

He slides a hand gently over her hair. “And I love you, my precious.”

Her eyes soften. She exhales slowly, almost in surrender. “I really don’t want to leave Rudra, Dad. I hope you understand. And I’m sorry for being so harsh with you that day.”

Anubhav shakes his head firmly. “Don’t apologize. I was at fault too. I’ve always had this habit of making decisions for you, whether you wanted me to or not. And I was about to do it again. It’s just… I just couldn't believe you love Rudra.”

She holds his gaze, “But I do love him. Completely. And I have no doubt about it anymore. I’ve never been this clear in my life.”

He studies her face for a moment, then nods and smiles softly.

Her throat tightens. “What I don’t understand is… how you and I, with serious heart conditions, are still here and yet the ones we love, they’re the ones who…” Her words falter, her eyes falling to her lap before she dares to look back at him.

Anubhav presses his lips together, then gives her a small smile. “Don’t worry, history isn’t going to repeat itself.”

Saanvi’s brows knit. She tilts her head, confused by the certainty in his tone. “What do you mean, Dad—”

Before she can finish, the door swings open and Kabir strolls in, whistling.

“Oh, finally,” he says brightly, his grin wide as he walks straight toward her. “Sleeping beauty decides to wake up. Perfect timing. Come on, let’s go.”

Saanvi frowns at him. “Go where?”

Kabir flicks a glance at Anubhav, who only leans back with a chuckle, giving nothing away. He turns back to Saanvi and shrugs, “Well… your psychopath of a husband has been asking for you. Since he woke up.”

The color drains from her face. She shoots up from her seat, “What?”

Kabir nods simply. Her eyes blur as tears threaten to spill. “Is this… is this really true?”

“We thought about waking you,” Kabir says, “But you were sleeping. Adrika aunty insisted we let you rest. Said you barely sleep as it is.”

“Let’s go, Kabir.” Her voice shakes, and she starts to walk.

“Doctor… you should know something.”

She stops and turns  slightly toward him.

“He doesn’t remember you. At least not yet.”

The words hit her like a knife, but after a beat she exhales and straightens her shoulders. “It’s okay, I just… I just need to see him.” Her heart cracks at the thought, but her feet carry her forward anyway. Kabir falls into step behind her.

Back on the couch, Anubhav remains seated, watching his daughter disappear through the door. A small smile touches his lips, “At least this time, my daughter won’t have to live the life I did.”

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